missing

There is a part I figured out though

there is a great absence of beauty in our daily cunundrum

an old Chrysler in mint condition parked at a gas station

unique flower arangements by the burekasim at a conference

and kindness too

maybe that could be my next step

to figure out how to provide more occurences of unexpected

beauty and kindness

something has got to change..

Double- U's

Feel the need to call my wonderful friend Shnitzel

to have him tell me why life is beautiful

feel the need to keep walking

to find that music that gives you air to breath

feel the need to shout out all this pain and transform it anger atleast

so it won't all be clumped up inside me

usually this fades away at some point

usually I find goodness in food, movie or music

but not today

today everything feels fake

such sad smoking liars all about

thinking that life is soooo gooood

Oh God

whats this

really?

which part is real?

When does it get to be more than survival?

Cause if its just this...

something is terribly wrong.

moonchild a-raising

It is a time of change

feels like something is growing inside

not a baby yet..

but a freedom

I'm in love

with change

always think the next place would be better

there I would feel

more real

not in a rehearsal

sometimes me gets a glimpse of me

deep in there

hidden under the heavy stifling blankets of

self doubt

criticism

and the flowery need to please

to be loved

by EVERYONE

oh geeze

if you so smart

how come you still carry them blankets around

when you know you could be a light

dancing

open and alive

magical thing

I need a new name

want to shed some skin

shed some accessories that are cumbersome

same wishes

new strength?

me hope.