Smashing lojeek

I noticed

that sometimes when I get mad

smashing

desperate

(where the fuck is the tattoo place??!)

It is a trick

like when I was a kiddie

so edgy with them big huge dogs

barking like crazies

on me way home

and I finally got in my head

that if I pretend to be furious

they won't smell this

gripping fear..

fear and helplessness

is worse than damn anger

so let me scare you

with sharp shouts

slams

and hard stares

but

don't think for a minute

that I'm scared shit

oh man

I wish I was

a moose

or somethin..

so many good garden moments

on simplicating

Now for the first time after years
I am practicing what it is to be just me..

Like getting back to comfortable shoes
Like finding your true name

Realizing inside that it don't matter
Where you go
Where you are
What role you play
(No need to play a role
No need to go anywhere to feel special)

You can still be completely your own self

Hard to explain
Better to just feel it..

How -ling Wolf

There is a house
but how do you turn it into a home?
How do you make it hug you when you come
not just hold your STUFF
How do you feel at ease at a surprise visit
and not glance with hidden terror at the raging mess

I want to take most of it
out
put it in humongous bags
and go Amish on my dome

There is so little I need
and yet there is so much

Why like this
How can it change
and why do I flip from lonely to independent every 4 minutes
or so..

So many questions
and this here screen
has taken a vow of silence

tough