BatShit

 

There is all this crazy inside me

All this fuckin courage and confidence

When I dance it comes out

When Im on stage

How about them dayz

Just the regular back and forth

I WANT SOME OF THE CRAZY OUT THERE TOO! 

WHY NOT?!!

no reason. 

Do it.

What I really truly need

 Sometimes I really truly extremely want

a time machine.

Not a flashy one.

A low-budget non-brand you might find in the misc aisle at the supermarket.

One that goes 20 min back, maybe 30 min.

No need to go back to my jolly twenties 

or to fix some big wrong from decades or hundreds of years ago.

(Though frankly if I had to choose 

the first that comes to mind is British Imperialists 

ok, all White Imperialists 

and the wreckage they created in my beloved Africa 

and throughout the beautifully “uncivilized” world… 

blaaahhh disgusting behavior).

It is rather those small things -

In which I really wish I had a button

I imagine it to be a bright blue on the turquoise end of the scale. 

Not too bulky in my handbag or pocket.

And then I just press it and

Whooomp (low-budget sound effect) 

I go back and deliver my comeback line in perfect timing. 

Yeah. 

Take that someone-who-just-told-me-something-snarky

         and left me stunned and tongue-tied... 

Smash! 

Touchdown!

Score! 

Kaaaaaboom! 

Nailed it! Haha!

Or sometimes it’s just some stranger that could have used a hand in a sticky situation

and only after did I realize what exactly I could have done.

That mom at the quiet cafe with the fussy baby 

losing her shit

I offered help 

but truly I should have said - 

"Go calm him outside 

take your time

I’ll ask them to pack up your food and bring it to you". 

Will she even go out to a cafe again?

Or that man that asked for money for the upcoming Eid 

and I refused 

felt he was bluffing...

Or that time

      Hah so many times 

I blew up at my innocent kids cause something

 (or some man, which is their other parent) made me stressed or mad

Or those other times when I didn't speak up when something hurt me.

I really truly wish I did - 

quietly and straight from the belly 

before it sank inside me and started festering...

Like when I come back so fuckin glorious, happy, and sweaty from a morning run

 all dancing in the kitchen to find a grumpy face that shuts me down.

Like when my mother didn’t completely listen.

Like when that man on the bus who seemed just friendly and wholesome thought it was cool to tell me about his sexcapades on a bus full of people.

Like all those times strange men took advantage of my open smile 

and my even more open heart.

I sometimes really truly extremely need

the ability to press that light blue button and find my voice

 that is buried under so many fucking layers 

to speak up my truth

To act as my heart knows

To protect my soul.

So please good people

If you see a low-budget time machine

As you wander 

beyond the pasta and the pickles

Be an angel

Let me know