As she swims

 She jumped out the window

Trusting the wind

Trusting the soil

They are magic 

They grow

they move from within

Without listening to critics

She believed in birds

In their movement

In the leaves, their ability to change

And fuckin let go

She believed that one day she will be seen

One day she will belong 

To herself as she is as she swims through the air so thick with emotions that are not hers

Then other mornings it is plastic

All the truths hide

All the fairies turned to stone

All the leaves are a nuisance to be swept again and again and again and

What 

Why

Who

Remind me again

On those days she takes off her rings

She cuts her hair

She drinks to be numb

To not be lonely

To be creative

She might draw

She might bake 

Anything to distract from the guilt

Of being useless

Of being lost

fairies come back

leaves show your tricks

I am getting older

and this believing is getting tougher

but I hold on

when I

As we rode away from the cabin
big sadness found its way inside me
all the giddiness of the route
 out into

the fields
why is the way back so sad?

Yes it might be the end of vacation kinda down
but it felt like so much more

the wilderness
the wildness
speaks to me
nourishes me
feeds my soul

without the wildness
something inside is left hungry or just dormant
and I..

want
need the wild

the earth
the quiet
all these light and noises even though where Im living is considered green it just does not feed my soul

no words or arguments could explain this
not really

my body knows
my soul breathes
when I touch the wild