sick trick

through my muffled brain
some things that eluded me before become clear
the small quirks of light sickness..

It's been quite a while now since I've thought as a singular entity
what do I want? is camouflaged by what would be most beneficial now.. easiest for everyone
and by everyone its mostly family..

Sure. I'm married a mother so this is to be expected
and yet
there is a phase that is missing
I would like first to figure what I want
THEN make adjustments if needed

I need an inside place that is still all mine
my own

and If you know me even a bit the usual - "that's the way it is now"
will not be accepted